My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
