I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
