I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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