no you cant smoke seaweed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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