It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
