You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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