ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
