he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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