If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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