i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
