all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
