it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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