its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
