The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
