It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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