party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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