what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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