Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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