I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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