I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
