she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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