Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
