Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
