Do you still have your period?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
