I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
