is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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