I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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