Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
