Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
