please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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