I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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