I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
