I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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