how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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