i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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