I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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