So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
