i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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