You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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