Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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