I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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