tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
