We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
