Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
