it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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