Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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