12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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