Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
