It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
