okay pat passed out under dana's car
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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