If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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