She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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