I just made out with a guy for $7.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
