I wish I could punch you in the face.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
