How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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