your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
