Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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