I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
