hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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