im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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