No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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