This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
