I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.