my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
either way he was missing a nipple.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
