Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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