WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
