Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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