I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
