I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
