I just saw a hot homeless man
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
