Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
