I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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