Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
