i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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