...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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