Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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