I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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